so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
