my phone needs a breathalizer
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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