i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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