please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
