you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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