i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
