You made me cry and you don't even care
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
