but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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