I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
