I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
