Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
