he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
