I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
