I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
worst night to have a conscience
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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