Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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