WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
