I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
