So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You're like the curious george of whores
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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