I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
