My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
