Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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