I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just blew my weed a kiss
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
