I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
