sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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