How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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