You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
