you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
