that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
