Already got asked if we're dating
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
