So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
