the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
