could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
