It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
