Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
