peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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