You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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