1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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