At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
