All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
