I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
