Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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