I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
