i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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