Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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