Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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