Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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