Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
