Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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