When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
