Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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