Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
