Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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