Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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