Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
