out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
