that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
