ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
