If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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