I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
