I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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