...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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