i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize