this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pants are for mortals
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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