you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
