What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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