is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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