her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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